


The Deception of Stars

by Sabregirl13



Category: Merlin - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, M/M, Male to Female, Mordred to Morgana, Transgender, no magic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-03
Updated: 2014-04-03
Packaged: 2018-01-18 00:35:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,312
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1408444
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sabregirl13/pseuds/Sabregirl13
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mordred had always felt disconnected from those around him, like he was off by just a step or two from the rest of his peers.  Fortunately his best friend Leon doesn't seem to mind at all.  Eventually Mordred gets to know himself better, and realizes that he's not actually disconnected at all.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Deception of Stars

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by the amazing artwork of the lovely crimsonswirls!! 
> 
> http://archiveofourown.org/works/1401187 
> 
> Check out the work that inspired this fic!! (Trust me, it's fabulous)

http://dimensiondoor.org/ao3/reverse2013/2title.png

All his life he’d felt different. Mordred had never had a lot of close friends growing up because of it. He’d always separated himself out, thinking that people could read his thoughts on his face, thinking that they would shun him, and it’s better to be in a self-imposed isolation instead of a peer-imposed one, right? That was part of the reason he was still living at home during his first year in college instead of staying on campus in the dorms.

Every night Mordred lay out on his balcony staring at the stars. He felt a strange kinship to them, from far away they all looked like one thing, but up close they are so different than they appear. They look close to the others surrounding them, but they’re actually light years away. That’s where he was now, staring up into the unfathomable depths, hating his life and praying for some sign that just as the stars, he wasn’t as alone as he seemed to be when looked at up close. 

“Watcha thinking about?” A voice quietly asked from behind him, breaking into his thoughts. 

“Leon!” Mordred exclaimed as he bolted into a sitting position. “What are you doing here? And how did you get into my room?” 

“I rang the doorbell and asked to see you.” Leon said with a smile. 

“And my parents let you in? It’s nearly midnight.”

“You weren’t answering your phone.” 

“Yeah, I turned it off.” 

“Didn’t want to see my disgusted and horrified reaction?” 

“Something like that, yeah.” 

“Well turn your phone back on, because sorry to disappoint, but I’m actually not that awful of a friend. You’re my best mate, it’s going to take more than liking guys to make me hate you. Besides, I’ve known for ages.” 

“What do you mean?” 

“Mind if I sit down?” 

“Of course not.” Mordred said as he scooted over to make room for Leon on the thick weather beaten quilt he kept out there. 

“Well, for one, I whole heartedly believe in gay rights and equality for everyone.” Leon started as he positioned himself next to where Mordred was sitting on the comforter. “You know that.” He continued, “Two, I noticed somewhere in middle school that maybe the way you looked at Elyan was the same way I was looking at his sister.” He looked over at Mordred and saw him blushing, apparently taken by surprise to hear his first crush on a guy being brought up so casually. “Three,” Leon continued, “I’m glad you told me, I feel honored that you trusted me with this.” 

“So you don’t think I’m disgusting or wrong, or too young to “make these decisions”?” He actually did air quotes on the last bit, making Leon chuckle a little before looking at Mordred seriously again. 

“Of course not. We’re freshmen in college, this is when we’re supposed to be establishing our identity. And sexuality isn’t a choice. You were born gay, and that’s fantastic. You know why? Because it’s you.” 

“So you really don’t mind?” 

“Of course not. You’re my best friend, remember?” 

“And you’re mine.” With that Leon lay down on the comforter and looked up at the stars. “So do you do this often?” Leon asked. 

“Stargaze?” Mordred replied as he lay down next to Leon, “Yeah, every night.” 

“So you know constellations and stuff then?” 

“Yeah, most of them.” 

“Can you find me…Pegasus?” 

“Yeah, he’s riiiiiight there.” Mordred said, pointing.

“Hmmm, and what about Cassiopeia?” 

“Over there,” Mordred said pointing at what looked to Leon like an entire corner of the night sky. 

“Are you sure you actually know where these things are?” Leon asked, “You could be pointing out the entirely wrong constellations for all I know.” Leon said with a sly smile.

“Hey, would I ever steer you wrong?” Mordred replied, just as playfully. Leon smiled and returned his gaze to the stars while reaching down and twining his fingers through Mordred’s. Mordred smiled contentedly and looked back heavenward, for the next few hours finally not feeling so alone.  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
Freshman year went by uneventfully, Leon helped Mordred come out to their friends, who were all wonderfully supportive of him. Even with Gwen helpfully trying to set him up with anyone she even thought might lean towards men, Mordred never had a boyfriend. The only slightly successful date he went on was with a kid named Merlin, who wasn’t really part of their friend group, but showed up now and then because apparently he and Gwen had known each other all their lives. He was quirky and cute and Mordred could have seen himself with Merlin down the line, until Merlin admitted sheepishly that he only really came because Gwen asked him to. That he hadn’t realized it that it was supposed to be a date when he accepted, and that he had it really bad for the football captain, Arthur. But the two of them still enjoyed dinner and decided that they needed to talk more often. 

Somewhere around Valentine’s Day Mordred started to consider that maybe he couldn’t find a boyfriend, or even truly enjoy a date, because, like Merlin, he was already hung up on someone. It was something he struggled with, because he wasn’t even sure who he would be hung up on, until one day he saw Elena flirting with Leon in the hall. He stopped, feeling like the air had been punched out of his chest as he realized just how deep his feelings for Leon went. Just then Merlin happened to be walking by in the hall and Mordred quickly called out to him. 

“Hey! Merlin!!” Merlin turned and smiled when he saw Mordred waving him down from across the hall. 

“Hey Mordred, what’s up?” 

“Do you want to hang out tonight, grab coffee or something? There’s something I really need to talk to someone about, and you seem like the perfect person.” 

“Everything ok?” Mordred nodded and Merlin looked a little relieved. “Glad to hear it, and sure, coffee tonight sounds great. Say 4:30 at the Campus Grind?” 

“Perfect.” Mordred responded, “I’ll see you then.” 

Mordred arrived at the coffee house early, his last class having gotten out at 3:30, and he didn’t want to go back to his house just to have to leave again as soon as he got there. The Campus Grind was a nice coffee shop, the walls painted warm browns and reds with comfortable furniture and lots of pillows, making it the favorite studying ground of many students. Mordred quickly snagged a table, knowing that if he didn’t lay claim to it immediately it would be soon claimed by the 3:30 rush of zombie like students needing caffeine. After placing his bag in a chair and spreading some notes out on the table Mordred went ahead and ordered, figuring that he didn’t want to look like a free loader just enjoying the free wifi while he waited for Merlin to show. He began looking through his notes, figuring he might as well get in some studying, but he kept getting distracted as he thought back to the scene in the hall earlier.

He’d never really seen Leon show interest in anyone, for most of high school they’d gone with each other to dances, except sophomore homecoming when Leon had a date, but that is an event that both swore to never speak of again. Leon had had about as many successful dates as Mordred, which is to say none. Their lack of external relationships was definitely part of why they were still so close, they’d never had to deal with being second to anyone else or with losing time with each other because of a boyfriend or girlfriend taking precedence. Over the years a lot of people had assumed that they were dating each other, but Mordred had never really considered why that made him happy. He’d figured it was a normal reaction to someone telling you that you and your friend are close enough that people start thinking you must be dating each other. Now, however, he was not so sure. Maybe the warmth that rushed through him every time someone commented on how cute they were together came from a desire to be with Leon in the way that everyone presumed he already was. Maybe he would never be able to find someone as long as Leon was still there. 

But that was stupid, Mordred quickly chastised himself. Leon was straight, so it didn’t matter how he felt, Leon would never return the sentiments, and Lord knows it would hurt less to just try and move on, skipping over the step where Leon rejects him and their friendship gets either ruined, or extremely awkward for a time. Mordred sipped his chai latte quietly, staring out the window, still wrapped up in his thoughts of Leon. It was sitting like that that Merlin found him when he walked in. 

“Hey mate, what planet are you on?” 

“Huh? Oh, nowhere, just… thinking, I guess.” 

“About who? It’s got to be someone you fancy, that’s the only reason for someone to look so pained and yet kind of happy about it.” Mordred chuckled lightly at that. 

“That sums up love pretty well, doesn’t it?” He asked, before stopping, taken aback by his own wording. I mean, he wasn’t in love with Leon, was he? 

“Mate, you okay? You look like you just found out the secret to a happy life is committing matricide.” 

“Wait, what?” 

“You look kind of relieved, like you just figured out some big secret of the universe, but horrified at the same time, as if to utilize the big secret you discovered you have to do something awful. Matricide was probably a bad example, but it was the first thing that came to mind.” Merlin said shrugging, apparently used to living with his foot permanently half in his mouth. “Do you want something to drink?” Mordred asked suddenly, having just gotten cold feet about spilling his guts to Merlin when he was still trying to figure out his feelings. 

“Yeah actually, I’m going to go grab a coffee, and you sit there steeling yourself to tell me whatever caused this emergency meeting. I can see you doubting yourself, but you’re going to tell me, Mordred. I’m here for you, I won’t tell anyone unless you want me to, of course. You can trust me. I’ll be back in just a few, you sit there and try to figure out how you want to say whatever it is you need to say.”

With that Merlin started off towards the coffee counter and Mordred sat in slight shock for a minute, wondering where Merlin learned to read minds, and if it was a skill that could be learned. Mind reading would be useful, he mused. He mentally shook himself, coming back to his situation, how was he going to start? Maybe he should ask how Merlin first realized that he was head over heels for Arthur. Yeah, that seemed like a good place to start, informative, but still redirecting from himself. Perfect.  
Merlin was back in another minute, carrying one of those frothy super sugary sweet coffee drinks. “So, have you thought about phrasing?” Merlin asked. 

“Yep, and I decided to start with a clever redirection.” Mordred replied cheekily. Merlin smiled, “Well? Redirect then.” He urged. 

“How did you first realize that you had it bad for Arthur?”

Merlin managed to look somewhat surprised at the question, while still looking like he had seen it coming, a talent that, unlike the mind reading from earlier, Mordred figured could never be learned. 

“Well, I guess it started when I tried to go on dates. I couldn’t. I couldn’t even show up to my first date with Gwaine, he’s also a footie player, because I had this huge sense that I was betraying someone, but I couldn’t figure out who. Eventually I started to actually go on the dates that I’d scheduled, but I always felt a little of that sense that I was betraying someone. After a while I kind of gave up dating, because feeling like you’re hurting someone, and not knowing how or even who is a super uncomfortable and sucky feeling, trust me.” Merlin said with an emphatic glance, stopping to sip at his drink. 

“After the dating fiasco I saw Arthur flirting with some girl after a match and got this horrible jealous and betrayed feeling. I hated feeling jealous of her, but the feeling of betrayal really helped clear up the question of who it was I felt I was betraying every time I went on a date. Arthur and I had been close for a while, but we’d never considered dating. I knew he was bi, he knew I was gay, but the idea of ever dating never even came up, so it makes sense that it wouldn’t jump into mind as a reason for my issues dating other people. That help at all?” 

“Wow.” 

“Recognize some of that story as your own?” Merlin asked. “Definitely.” Mordred replied. 

“So who is it, it’s got to be Leon, right? I mean you two are so close.” 

“Yeah, it’s Leon. Stupid bugger wasn’t content with being my only truly close friend, he has to go and ruin my chances at a relationship too.” 

“You could always ask him out you know.” 

“No! He’s straight, besides, think of much that could screw up our friendship. I just need to get over him. And quickly.” 

“Are you sure he’s straight? There are some days when he’s looking at you that I’d bet my left shoe he’s got some feelings for you.” 

“He doesn’t. Not past friendship at least. I mean, he’d tell me if he fancied blokes, right?” 

“I don’t know if he would. He doesn’t seem like the type to do a whole coming out thing. He seems more like the ‘oh hey guys this is my new boyfriend isn’t he great? type’, that leaves the rest of his friends stumped for a minute or two thinking, ‘but he’s straight?’ before just accepting it and moving on.” 

“You think?” Mordred asked. “I could be wrong, but that’s kind of the impression I get. You could always ask him you know. Especially as his best friend, I don’t think it would be a big deal to ask him if he fancies or has ever fancied a bloke. We know he’s not homophobic, he hangs out with us, after all.” 

“True enough. So you think I should just ask him?” 

“I think it might be the only way to bring yourself some small measure of peace.” 

“But what do I do if he does fancy guys?” 

“Well you could do what I’m doing and let it continue to ruin your love life and keep you miserable trying to preserve the friendship, or you could do something about it, risking your friendship, and possibly starting the best relationship of your life. Because you have to know it would be. With how well you two know each other it’s not like you could have anything but an honest relationship, and you can probably tell when something’s wrong with the other before you can even sense it in yourself. You two would be perfect, your relationship would make romance writers around the globe jealous.” 

“You’re right. I need to talk to him, I need to at least know if he likes guys, after that I can consider just how much I’m willing to risk.” 

“That’s the spirit.” Merlin said with a smile. “So what brought this up?” He asked. Mordred sighed. 

“I was walking through the psych building earlier and I saw Leon talking to Elena. Talking’s not really the word so much as flirting. I felt like someone had punched me in the gut. I was hurt, jealous, and confused, but at least it helped me connect the dots.” 

“Well now you know my opinion on the subject. And for the record, I think he’s worth the risk.” 

“And what about Arthur, you know he likes guys, and yet you’ve never made a move.” 

“I’m still trying to figure out if the risk is worth it or not.” 

“You know it is.” 

“Fine. I know it is. But I’m scared. Happy?” 

“A bit. So you’re admitting that you like Arthur?” 

“Well yeah, that was never really in question.” 

“On second thought, I don’t think you need to tell him.” 

“Why’s that?” 

“Because he already knows.” 

“How do you figure?” 

“Well, he’s standing behind you so that’s one.” 

“What?!”Merlin half yelled as he quickly turned around in his chair. “Arthur!! Shit, what are you doing here? Jesus, did you hear that?” he continued as Arthur nodded, “How much did you hear? Shit! Mordred!” He yelled, eyes narrowing as he turned back to him. 

“Hey,” Arthur said quietly as he placed a hand on Merlin’s shoulder, “Don’t be mad at Mordred, when I came in I signaled to him not to tell you.” 

“So?! With what we were talking about you should have told me Mordred!” 

“Why?” Arthur cut in, “If he had you never would have said that within a mile radius of me, and then I would never do this.” Arthur leaned down slowly, making his intent to kiss Merlin clear and giving him time to move away if he wanted. Instead Merlin pushed forward, brushing his lips against Arthur’s. They both seemed to forget the world outside of each other for a minute or two as they continued kissing. Eventually Mordred cleared his throat, and Merlin and Arthur pulled back, still unable to look away from one another. 

“I’ve wanted to do that for so long.” Arthur breathed, “But I never thought you were interested.” 

“I’ve wanted to do that for a while too.” Merlin said, smiling. “But I never thought you were.” 

“So maybe you should apologize for yelling at Mordred.” 

“Maybe,” Merlin said finally turning away from Arthur to look at Mordred again. “I’m sorry for yelling, I still don’t think you should have made the decision for me about how and when I told Arthur, but seeing as we both know that I never would have, thank you. For taking the risk that I was too scared to.” 

“I knew it wasn’t a risk. You’d have to be blind, or horribly in love with him, not to see the way he looks at you.” 

“Well thank you. And now you know that risks do pay off.” 

“Maybe.” Mordred replied. “Well I figure I’ll head out, let you two talk about this a bit.” 

“Wait!” Merlin grabbed Mordred’s arm as he started to stand. “The campus GSA is putting on a drag show, somehow I got put on the committee, and we really need some more guy volunteers, any interest? It’ll be super fun, we even have professionals, or um, if we’re being honest, cosmetic students here on campus, upperclassmen only, to do makeup and hair. We provide clothes, all you need is yourself, please say yes?” 

“Um, sure? Will you be in it too?” 

“Yeah, me, Gwaine, Lance, some other guys from the GSA and a few other guys from around campus. So really? You’ll do it?” 

“Sure,” Mordred said with a smile, “Drag show, sounds like fun.” 

“Now I owe you two favors. I’ll buy you dinner some time. There’s a meeting for it on Saturday at 5 in the art building, the fashion room. We’ll be sizing for clothes, shoes, and wigs. We might try matching up stylists to volunteers too, but we’ll have to see on that one.” 

“Sounds great, I’ll see you there. Nice to see you Arthur, and guys, try not to suck too much face in here. Take it outside.” 

“Yeah, okay, there went dinner you jerk.” Merlin called after him jokingly as Mordred left. 

“So,” Arthur started, “You like me?” 

“Of course I do you dollophead. I have since high school.” 

“Me too.” Arthur said as he leaned down to kiss Merlin sweetly. 

“Why did we wait so long to start trying that?” Merlin asked.

“Because I’m a clotpole, right?” 

“Yep, but you’re my clotpole.”  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
Saturday around 4:30 Mordred started to head over the art building, hoping that Merlin would be there early, wanting to hear how it had been going with Arthur. He got to the fashion room about 4:50 to find lots of people, mostly the art students from the looks of it already there. He looked around the room until he spotted Merlin in the corner talking to someone who was holding two wigs. He started over slowly, not wanting to interrupt but Merlin spotted him and waved him over. 

“Mordred, come over, we could use your opinion on the wigs.” Merlin introduced the girl holding the wigs as Gwen, a first year art student that Merlin had apparently known for a while. 

“Okay, see I want to wear the brown wig, I think it goes best with my complexion, but Gwen here keeps insisting that I should wear this red one.”

“Merlin,” Gwen exhaled, sounding exasperated, “You’re Irish,” “I’m really not.” Merlin interrupted. “You look Irish, you have such an Irish complexion, you would look great with red hair.” Gwen continued as if Merlin hadn’t said anything. 

“Mordred save me.” Merlin begged. Mordred held the red wig up to Merlin’s head.

“Sorry mate, but she’s right, the red suits you.” Gwen looked smug.

“That settles it then, you’ll wear the red, besides, this brown would look great on Mordred.” 

“Yep, I’m definitely redacting that dinner. I no longer owe you anything.” Merlin said to Mordred as Gwen flounced off triumphantly. 

“How’s Arthur?” Mordred asked smiling. 

“He’s fine.” 

“Does he have any interesting new relationships in his life?”

“Maybe.”

“Please try to be a bit more cryptic, I think your message is coming through too clearly.” Mordred said, still smiling widely at Merlin.

“Arthur has a new boyfriend. He’s pasty and apparently looks good in red wigs.” Merlin said, giving in and grinning hugely. “Thank you so much Mordred. I don’t know how long  
we would have continued pretending there was nothing between us if it weren’t for you. Any new developments with Leon?”

“Nope, not a one.” 

“Come on, you can do it. You didn’t even ask if he liked men?” 

“Nope.”

“Well here’s your chance, did I forget to mention that I talked him into doing the show too?” 

“Really?” Mordred asked looking around and spotting Leon just entering the room. “We haven’t seen much of each other this week, maybe we’ll hang tonight after this. I’ll ask him then.” Mordred said as he waved Leon over. 

“Hey Mor, haven’t seen you in ages.” Leon said with a smile as he gave Mordred a huge hug. 

“Yeah, yeah, I’ve missed you too Leon.” Mordred said wryly. “Dinner and movie night tonight, my house?” 

“Definitely.” Leon said. Just then someone in the middle of the room started calling for everyone’s attention. Everyone needs to get into small groups, each group of 3-4 will have one stylist in charge of their hair, makeup, and clothes. Feel free to grab a stylist of your choice, or wait for someone to be assigned to you. Don’t be scared of anyone, even if you don’t know them. Remember, you’re all willing to wear girls’ clothes for a fundraiser, so no one here can be that bad.”  
Mordred looked at Leon and Merlin, “You guys want to be a group?” 

“Yeah,” “Definitely.” The other two replied. Merlin quickly called out to Gwen. 

“We’re claiming you as our stylist. Sound good?” 

“Oh lord no!! Anyone but you three.” Gwen said dramatically. They all smiled at each other. “Well,” Gwen said, “Let’s start with clothes, your shoes and make up will depend on your outfits, and we already know which wig will be used for two of you. You want to stay blonde Leon?” Leon nodded, “So we’ve got hair mostly figured, let’s go look at pretty dresses.” The four scouted through the racks, looking pulling dresses they liked or, in Gwen’s case, pulling dresses that would actually look good on them. When each of them had about five dresses they headed over to the changing area to try them on. 

The changing area was basically just curtains hung up segmenting the area into some large and some small makeshift fitting rooms. They decided to grab a group fitting room so that they could help each other into the dresses and decide which ones they liked the best. Gwen went with them, all of them having given her the go ahead. All of the boys stripped to their boxers and tried to put on a dress. Merlin and Leon struggled more than Mordred, who had felt a strange thrill run through him when they were picking out dresses and couldn’t wait to get into one. He had his on before the others, and Gwen helped him zip the back. He looked in the mirror and felt right for the first time since he could remember. 

He kept playing with the hem, running the dark blue velvet through his fingers, and he couldn’t stop smiling at his reflection, the waist line cutting in perfectly, making him look like he had a great hourglass figure. Gwen smiled at him, “The velvet’s nice isn’t it? Fun to feel.” 

“Definitely.” Mordred replied, unable to come up with words to describe the awe he felt at his reflection. Merlin and Leon finally got themselves into their first dresses, neither of them fitting as well was Mordred’s, Leon’s was a bit small and pulling awfully at the back, whereas Merlin’s was too big, and hanging on his frame like a sack. 

“Oooh,” Gwen said with a cringe when she saw the other two, “Let’s try the next two, yeah?” Both of the boy’s nodded frantically, smiling at their reflections humorously. Mordred couldn’t convince himself to change out of the blue velvet until Gwen got the other two into their second dresses, these two were better, Merlin’s was a nice periwinkle and Leon’s was a dark green. They eventually made their way through all of the dresses, sometimes trying on ones that one of the others had brought in, all settling on their four dresses for the show. 

“Now,” Gwen said, “You’ll all need to think of names to use when in drag, anyone have any ideas?” 

“I’m thinking I might go with Gwen,” Merlin said with an overly serious face, “It’s a pretty name.” Gwen giggled and lightly punched Merlin’s shoulder. 

“Don’t be a dweeb Merlin. Come up with something original.” 

“Guinevere?” He asked, continuing. 

“I think I like Morgana.” Mordred said suddenly. He hadn’t even tried to think of a name, that one just popped into his mind and he couldn’t picture himself using another name. 

“Oooh, I like that.” Gwen said. “It’s original.” She said, raising her eyebrows at Merlin. 

“It suits you.” Leon added. After some brainstorming Leon decided on Alexandra and Merlin went for Caelyn. With dresses and names down they called it a day, saying their farewells until the meeting next Saturday.

Mordred and Leon left together, heading back to Merlin’s house for their movie night. Once they got there it was almost 8 PM, and figured that Chinese take away would go perfectly with a movie night. They started off re-watching Sliding Doors chatting slightly because they’d both seen it so many times. Mordred set down his food and turned to look at Leon. 

“Penny for your thoughts.” Leon said. 

“Um, do you like guys at all? I’d always thought you were straight but someone pointed out that you wouldn’t be the type to feel the need to come out really.”

“I guess I like guys, yeah, but it’s more like I like one guy.” 

“Wait, really? So I still don’t have a chance.” He muttered dejected.

“You don’t have a chance with who?” Mordred decided to just tell him, figuring there was no point in lying.

“You.” He said quietly. “It’s always been you, but I didn’t realize it until recently. I understand if you want to head out early tonight.” 

“Well that would be kind of stupid of me wouldn’t it?” Mordred looked confused. “Well if you like someone and they tell you that they like you, why would you want to leave early? If anything it makes me want to stay longer than usual.” Leon said with a smile. 

“Wait, you mean…?” Mordred questioned

“Of course, who else would I fall for?” Mordred broke into an ear splitting grin and hugged Leon. 

“You can stay the night if you want. I mean not like that! Just, you know, movies and cuddling and stuff.” 

“That’s sounds great.” Leon said with a smile, pulling Mordred so that he was leaning into his side. “So uh, does this mean we’re dating?” Leon asked.

“I’d like to be, if that’s okay with you.” Mordred replied. Leon grinned in response.

“You should be prepared, I’m going to tell everyone you’re my boyfriend.” Leon said excitedly. Mordred felt a bit of a thrill at that, but at the same time there was something about the word boyfriend that just didn’t sit well with him. He thought back to the dress and the feeling that accompanied wearing it, like for the first time in his life he fit in. But he knew that guys wearing dresses didn’t really count as normal.  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
Weeks passed, every Saturday was spent prepping for the drag show, followed by a night in for Leon and Mordred. Merlin and Arthur seemed to be doing just as well. Mordred got more and more into the show, feeling more and more comfortable in dresses, makeup, wigs, and heels than he did now in boxers or ties. He began to really accept the name Morgana, answering to it more than he answered to Mordred. The feeling of rightness always settled over him when he was in drag, something about dressing like a woman appealed to him entirely.

One day he decided to talk it over with Merlin, he was getting concerned about how attached he was to his female persona. 

“Hey Merlin!”

“Yeah?”

“You want to grab coffee tomorrow?”

“Sure, 2 o’clock at the Grind?” Merlin suggested.

“Sounds great.” Mordred replied with a smile.

Mordred was nervous to meet with Merlin the next day, afraid that he would be called weird for how he was feeling. As he and Merlin settled in with their drinks Merlin looked him dead in the eye and did the mind reading thing again.

“What’s wrong? I can tell it’s not Leon, but it’s also not something you want to talk to Leon about. Which is interesting.”

“I uh, I think I might be in a little deep with this whole drag show thing.” Mordred tried to explain how he felt, how the outfits made him feel good, feel right, how he was preferring Morgana to Mordred, and how he was kind of scared that by starting to feel normal he was actually more of a freak than ever.

“First of all you’re not a freak. Have you looked up the term transgender? It basically means that your biological sex doesn’t match your gender. I’m trans, female to male, I’ve already had top surgery and I’ve been on T since high school so most people don’t realize because I’m passing so well. Arthur knows, don’t worry. I know that I felt that way a lot growing up. Like a freak, like I was a step off from other kids. When I joined the GSA as an ally, I learned more about different gender identities, and trans seemed to fit me perfectly. My parents were beyond supportive and I started transitioning to Merlin and male pronouns. Most of my friends were okay with it, two were so freaked out we haven’t spoken since, and then there’s that one dick who’s all ‘I’ve known you too long as Melissa to call you Merlin. I’m not trying to be rude, I respect your choices, but I’m going to keep calling you by your real name.’ Bitch please, my real name is Merlin. Sorry. That kid pissed me off more than the two who straight up left me.

“So does that sound like you at all? Like you’re actually female, or do you just like drag, being a guy, but dressing as female? And of course there are other things too. What you need to remember is that it’s your identity and you need to do whatever makes you most comfortable.”

“Thanks Merlin, I think transgender might be right, but I’ll need to look into it some more. You’ve been super, thank you so much Merlin.”

“No problem, I’m glad I could help. You can always talk to me about any questions you have, like I said, I’ve got some experience with being trans.” Merlin said with a smile. After a little bit more chatter they parted ways, Mordred heading straight home to his laptop to do research.

The more he learned about transgender, the more he identified with it. After a few more weeks he was tired of only feeling good on Saturdays and decided it was time to try and transition to female pronouns and the name Morgana on a more permanent basis. She talked to her parents first, and with their mostly supportive, if slightly confused response, she started thinking about the best way to go about transitioning with her friends. She decided that Leon would be integral.  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

 

The next Monday Morgana gave Leon a letter in exchange for the promise that he would come over that night to talk. Leon opened the letter in his first class, curious about what it could say.

“Leon, you’re my best friend, my amazing boyfriend, and you’ve always been there for me. All my life I’ve known I was different, I blamed it on my sexuality, I always shrugged it off as a consequence of being gay. But now I’m not so sure, I think I’m not gay at all Leon. I’m straight, but a straight woman. The term for it is transgender. I’m telling you first because I trust you. I’d like to transition to the name Morgana and female pronouns, and I hope that you’ll help me with that. I want our friends to know but I wasn’t really sure how to go about telling them, and I figured if it was the two us together it wouldn’t be so scary. I hope you’ll accept me as I truly am and come to my house as you promised. If you don’t I’ll know you can’t accept this, and that’s okay, just know that I’ll always care about you. I hope I’ll see you tonight.  
-Morgana”

That night the doorbell to Morgana’s house rang, and she had literally never in her life been happier to hear it. She rushed down the stairs, wearing a new dress that she hoped wouldn’t scare Leon off, seeing as he’d already seen her in dresses before. She pulled the door open with a breathless “Hey.” inviting Leon in. 

“You look beautiful.” Leon said with a loving smile. Morgana blushed, truly feeling beautiful under Leon’s accepting gaze. “Come on, let’s go up to my room.” She grabbed Leon’s hand and towed him up the stairs behind her. Morgana continued straight through her room and out onto the balcony, sitting down and pulling Leon down next to her, drawing comfort from knowing that this place was safe. That this was the place where it had all begun. The place where she connected to the stars when she couldn’t connect to people. The place where she learned that she could shine just as brightly as a star, and that the true deception of stars is how distant they seem from each other, how isolated they appear, when truly they are all interconnected. How those connections are what make them truly special, a star on its own is just a speck of light, but bunches of stars together form paintings in the night sky, they weave stories and become so much more than they could be on their own.

Morgana leaned over and kissed Leon sweetly. “Hey Leon?” 

“Yeah?” 

“Will you say my name? Please, I want to know how it sounds coming from you.”

Leon smiled and whispered in her ear, “I love you Morgana.” Leon pulled back to look her in the eyes, “I’m glad you’ve discovered who you truly are and how to make yourself more comfortable in your own skin. I’m so glad that I get to be a part of your journey, and I want you to know that this doesn’t change how I feel about you at all, it never will. I’ll always be here for you. This may not be easy, society and all, but I’ll be standing by your side, fighting next to you in your battles for as long as you’ll have me.” Leon leaned in and kissed Morgana again, trying to find a way to express just how much he loved her, and just how much he meant what he had said. After a while the pulled apart and settled down on their backs on the quilt, staring up at the night sky. After a few minutes of silence Leon asked, “Can you find me Pegasus?” Morgana smiled and point off in the distance. 

“Do you want to know the story of Pegasus? It’s kind of a sad one, but I love it.” “Let’s hear it.” Leon said with a smile.

They stayed out staring up long after the story was finished, fingers intertwined and in the companionable silence eventually they both drifted off to sleep, their dreams dancing among the stars.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [The Deception of Stars](https://archiveofourown.org/works/1401187) by [crimsonswirls](https://archiveofourown.org/users/crimsonswirls/pseuds/crimsonswirls)




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